Get OFF my yard!

I found this article greatly amusing, and YES!, it expressed my views PERFECTLY. I’m a dog lover you see, and I have a super MINUTE tolerance for cats (I’m speaking on behalf of my dogs too, namely Montello, Peppitto and Patchy) - especially those irritating ones who breed like sprouting mushrooms after the rain, behind my yard. So yeah, do enjoy!

(P/s: cat lovers, do loosen up a lil' on that wedgie.) :)

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Beneath the facade of cuteness,
domestic felines harbour a single-minded devotion to disrupting the
neighbourhood peace.

A NOTE of caution to readers before
I take off on this week’s rant – the contents below will offend cat lovers.

I strongly believe in animal rights.
Zoos depress me because wild animals should be roaming the jungles, not put on
show for us.

As for snakes, monkeys, monitor
lizards, squirrels and other unfortunate creatures fighting a losing cause against
urban encroachment of their habitats, the road-kill on various expressways is
testimony to the raw deal they’re getting. I can’t even begin to describe my
rage when protected wildlife is slaughtered for some monster’s profit,
amusement or “health”.

And dogs are my favourite kind of
domestic animals.

However, I have to draw the line at
cats … not the big jungle cats, but those crafty domestic ones that seem
intent on disrupting my peace when they start courting in my back lane after
midnight. But that’s not all.

Let’s start with the expressions on
their faces. Cats always and inevitably look smug, scornful or suspicious, or
various combinations of these expressions. Somewhat like Simon Cowell,
actually, without the wit and T-shirt.

Cats are condescending opportunists
… they’ll come to you when they need something, but when they’re perched
out-of-reach on a wall or tree after having done something unpleasant, they’ll
sneer at you patronisingly until you reach out for a slipper to sling at them …
oh, please, don’t tell me you haven’t thought of doing this.

Each generation of cats in the
neighbourhood learns new tricks, and grows smarter and smugger, devising more
cunning means to entrench its members around your homes and streets. The aim is
ostensibly to make life for non-cat owning persons difficult or at least,
inconvenient.

When I shifted to where I live now
six years ago, I was taken aback with the cat population, stray and
domesticated, in the area.

People complain about stray dogs and
the crow menace, and the local council hires shooters to decimate the
creatures. But with cats … ever heard of anyone complaining to the local
council about cats? Further prove that these feline subverts are gradually
dominating the planet.

These ruffians – the cats, I mean,
not the shooters – treat every yard or porch like their litter box, and think
nothing of inviting friends and family members. At first, they stay on the ground
– a generation later, the younger ones have found their way to your awnings and
porch roof, sneaking around roof gutters for ways to enter your house since
they know your front door is impenetrable. And they will mark your door as if
to challenge you.

They slink around corners and walls,
and some have a tendency to get under your car’s bonnet until you start the
engine and scare them off … I have heard of cats using up all their nine
lives when they tried to get the better of running engines or fan belts. Look,
I feel bad about such things but you don’t catch dogs doing something so stupid.
Only cats ?you’d think they’d be smarter.

I once found half a dozen
loutish-looking cats lazing around under my car in my porch … they didn’t
even have the decency to scoot off when I appeared and shooed them. A garden
hose is handy for such situations, preferably with water running through it at
some speed.

For weeks on end, they’ll keep
messing up your yard, and then they’ll disappear, leaving you hoping the menace
has ended. Then, the next generation shows up and takes over. You can’t
convince me these little terrors are not trying to subjugate humans.

As if cats invading my turf weren’t
enough, there’s now a bat taking shelter in my backyard …

(written by : SUJESH PAVITHRAN)